Two To Tango? A Passive Aggressive Husband And His Victim Wife
If he needs you, how can you know that your passive aggressive husband expresses this need?
A most frustrating aspect in living with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn’t follow through on his agreements and promises. Why is he promising to tackle big projects if he will abandon them later and prevent others from finishing them?. His wife only sees that he ignores his responsibilities.
Does He Ever See Her Frustration?
Not any longer. Even when she presents her evidence, he twists and change it in order to confirm his own logic. He is doing all this theatre for what purpose?? How to understand his communication style when it frustrates the wife’s expectations?
Human needs, especially for love and connection are what motivate people to get together and form relationships. He has this contradictory attitude, searching for love and showing hostility to people near him at the same time.
As he developed a toxic image of what a relationship is, he is now trying to duplicate the kind of relationship he learned being a child, this time with another grown up, with himself playing the controlling role. Why is he picking a woman willing to receive his angry words…
He needs a good, intelligent adversary to provide him with expectations and demands he will then resist and warp, as he plays the interpersonal routine he learned with his first family.
She Needs To Feel Needed!
She grew up in a home where she was relegated and not appreciated…always in a little corner. When she wanted to be seen, someone stole the focus off her. So, here and now, with this difficult man, she believes that this is her opportunity to rescue him by offering him so much love he would not be able to resist.
Sending two contradictory messages of attraction and rejection is the mark of this relationship. If she continues seeing him as a prisoner, then she will keep attempting to send him lots of her love She will not be easily disappointed by his coldness, and will continue sending him her love and attention
Even when he sets up experiences to get her to reject or deprive him, (so then he can blame her for his dissatisfaction), she prefers to play along. She needs to be happy with herself first, and then she will not fear to be alone. Her choice is to keep waiting on him. Whatever she does, he can’t feel the emotional intimacy she brings.
Accepting this fact can take her from feeling lonely and depressed in this marriage, to angry at him. The more he feels threatened and insecure and withdraws, the more she gets angry. He feels impotent to solve her anger, so he withdraws and gets more silent, which drives her crazier. This pattern is formed y connection followed by withdrawal.
Why Is This Seesaw Between Anger And Depression Functional To Her?
For how long does she need him as a frustration provider??
Is she inviting people to entice and reject her, as it happened to her in her past?
Is permanent frustration of her emotional needs her childhood script, needing someone like her husband to frustrate her here and now?
In repetitive scenes from this script, you can see her self-esteem reduced to zero as her frustration and anger turn to rage when she feels again unable to attract a direct commitment from a loving man. She can break the linkage between her past story and her present abusive relationships. Perhaps raising her self-esteem would stop this cycle and make her less needy and more worthy of respect and appreciation by any partner.
Nora Femenia, Ph.D. is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. She has written postings about happy, healthy marriages and how to enhance marital happiness. Her innovative and /content/view/17/44/”>cialis 8 cpr riv0mg compassionate conflict solutions are offered as ebooks, articles and life-changing coaching sessions, from her blog: http://www.creativeconflicts.com
Tags: Adversary, Angry Words, Attitude, Communication Style, Contradictory Messages, Emotional Abuse, Frustration, Hostility, Logic, Love Connection, Much Love, Passive Aggressive Behavior, passive-aggression, passive-aggressive, Picking A Woman, Promises, Rejection, Relationship, relationships, Searching For Love, Twists, Two To Tango, Warp
Filed under: Uncategorized
Leave a Reply